The only way (to be happy)...
by Wind
Summary: Must read! James can't seem to find Jessie anywhere and people are giving him strange looks... What's going on? Little dark, little shippy (but I think you can like it, even if you're not a shipper). Hope you all enjoy it! If you read, please do review!


Author: Me, Wind

Rating: PG13

Category: Romance (?)

Feedback: Me loves it, so if you'd be so nice…

Disclaimer: Seriously, why do I bother? If you own them, you know I don't. Even if you don't own them, you're probably smart enough to relise I'm the last person on Earth(or on any other planet as well ) to own them.

Author's notes: *sigh* Again, to avoid comments about my spelling, English isn't my first language, I only study it in school, so you don't need to tell me about my bad spelling & grammar. Also, about this fic… It's sorta weird, maybe little dark… kinda romantic. It's Rocketshippy at parts, but I do believe you can enjoy it even if you're not a Rocketshipper. The tittle is little weird, but I couldn't come up with anything else… Now, do read it, please give feedback, and most importantly, enjoy!

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The only way ( to be truly happy )…

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I'm standing in a weird place. I don't know where I am. It's pretty dark. And cold. There are trees over there… And a house… I'm scared, I'm alone.I wanna find Jessie. Out of no where, starts a laughter. A cold, hard laughter. I goes deep to my backbones, sending chills all over my body. I see someone moving near the trees. Without even thinking about it, I start running. I reach the trees, but they're not trees anymore. It's a gigantic festivals. An old lady with blond plaits and purple eyes comes to me, trying to sell my some books that tell about how to make delicious meal out of pure gold. I say I buy one and she hands me the book. I dive my hand in my pocket, but I can't find any money. She starts screaming to me, asking if I was trying to fool a poor old lady. I get scared and start running away. I run deeper into the festivals, and suddenly I'm in a castle. I hear some human voices from one hallway. My heart beats fast, as I try to get to those voices. They keep getting deeper and deeper into this place. Then I'm outside again and I've reached the people behind the voices. It's the twerp trio. I run to them, they'll help me, they'll… I stop on my tracks as the main twerp looks at me with evil eyes, saying that they've heard that I tried to fool the poor old lady and that now they're gonna make me pay. I try to explain, try to say I only wanna find Jessie. They don't listen, they command a Pikachu with long sharp teeth after me. I start running, but I'm not getting anywhere. I fall to the ground and the beast jumps on me. I hear steps and look up. Jessie! I reach my hands out for her and she takes them, pulling me to safety. I wrap my arms around her, resting my head against her shoulder. She says she'll always be there to help me and I say I'll always be there for her. We hug tighter and she whispers that she's never going to leave me. Never.

"Sir?" a quiet voice rings through my ears. I quickly sit straight up. It takes me only a moment to remember where I am, or at least where I should be. "Oh, you're awake," the nurse states the obvious. I mumble something as response. "You fell asleep, so we carried you here to get some rest," she explains, with the ever-comforting voice. "I fell asleep?" I feel guilty 'cause of that. I really didn't mean to fell asleep. "You should have woke me up". Yes, they should have woke me up. 

"Sir, you needed some rest. You've been trough a lot."

"Not as much as she…" I mutter and push myself up from the bed. The nurse places her hands on my shoulders and pushes me back to sitting position, suggesting I just just lay down for awhile longer. I shake my head and get up again. "I wanna be with her," I say, "She needs me now." The nurse looks at me softly, shaking her head. "No. She doesn't need anyone anymore. Where she is, everything is good." I don't get it. What is this woman talking about? I don't care really. All I care about is the fact that I should be somewhere else. "She wants me to be there," I protest. "Where she is, she's completely happy," the nurse responses, with a little sad smile on her face. I push her out of my way and rush out of the door. With quick steps I walk down the hospital halls, to a door, that has a simple number on it. Number that means nothing to most people. To me, it has meant everything for the past few days. I place my hand on the doorknob and carefully push the door open. Trying to be as quiet as possible, I step in and close the door behind me.

The room is dark, no lights on. I can see, though, 'cause rays of pale moonlight come through the curtains. I slowly walk towards the bed. There she is lying, surrounded be many different machines, most that I don't even know name for. None of them is giving any signals, they seem to be closed down. Most of them have even been unplugged from her. That must be a good sign, right? That must mean she's getting better. That she doesn't need the support of those things anymore. I look at her. Her face looks peaceful. She is very pale, maybe even more than usually. Her eyes are closed. I think she is sleeping. Her incredible flashing red hair frames her face and fall down over the edged of the bed. God, she is beautiful. My eyes slide down, to her slim neck and to her perfect upper body, that is only covered by her night crow. It's unusually quiet. I've almost gotten used to the noise of all those machines, beeping, dripping… The voices are actually scary. I'm glad they're gone. I sit down on her bed, next to her. That's where I've been for the last few days, besides her, day and night. I curse myself for falling asleep, but I think it was natural. Still, it was wrong that the nurses took me away from her side. For a moment I wonder where Meowth is. I thought he would be here with Jessie. In some other occasion, I might be worried, but right now, I just don't have the energy or interested to think about that cat. My eyes are still fixed on Jessie's face. I gently pick up her hand into mine. It's so cold! Like eyes. I panic. Can't those stupid nurses even keep her warm? I jump up and rush to the window to make sure it's firmly closed. Then I grab the blankets from the other bed in the room and cover Jessie to her neck with them. To make sure she is warm. To make sure she'll get better. She will. I'm sure. Maybe tomorrow, maybe day after that… She'll be up again. I hear as the door is being opened, so I swing around to see who's coming. It's that nurse. She walks to me and says: "Sir, I think you should come with me. You really need rest,". I shake my head, I'm not in the mood for talking. She looks at me, sadness in her eyes, letting out a small sigh. "Would you then rest in here?" she asks me. I think for a moment and then nod slowly. She nods as well, leads me to that other bed and tells me to lay down. I do as I'm told. "You'll watch her when I sleep, right?" I ask the nurse. I need to know someone's looking after Jessie. "She was very cold, you know," I add, just to let the nurse know she should pay more attention. She simply fishes out a needle from her pocket and takes my arm. "Hey, hey! What's that?!" I demand to know, trying to pull my hand free. She looks at me, answering: "It'll help you to relax and get some rest. It'll all look better in the morning.". That's the last thing I hear, before going into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I slowly open my eyelids, for the second time in less than 24 hours. I can see the bright sunlight coming through the curtains. I yawn and stretch, sitting up so that my back is towards the window and I'm facing Jessie's bed. I blink couple of times, before fully realizing that it's empty. Most of the machines are still next to it, but there is no one in the bed. For a moment I wonder what this all means. Where can she be? Then I realize the obvious answer. She most have felt better and left already. I bet she tried to wake me up, but that drug dose they gave me last night, must have put me into too deep sleep. That's how it has to have happened! I climb out from the bed, pulling my boots back on. I wanna get to the front desk as soon as possible. They probably know where she went. I practically run down the halls, when I run into the nurse that I saw last night. She looks at me, asking how am I feeling. I ignore her question and almost out of breath, I demand to know where Jessie went. The expression on her face changes into little confused. I explain that Jessie's not in her room, so she must have left and I need to know where. The nurse gets incredible sad look on her face and asks if I have a minute to talk. I don't! I tell her that, before staring to run down the hall again. She tries to make me stop, by calling after me, but I simply don't have the time to talk with her right now. I need to find Jessie. Fast. I reach the front desk. The young man behind it, asks nicely, how he can help me. "I need to know where a red haired woman, named Jessica, or Jessie, went," I blurt out. "Just a minute…" the boy turns to his computer with patient files and starts looking. After a while he obviously finds something, since his face wants totally white. He turns to me, looking me straight into eyes: "I'm sorry, sir. I deeply am.". What does he mean by that? My mind races forward. One thought pops into my mind, but I quickly shove it away with a shake of head. Jessie is somewhere out there. And I have to find her. That's the only thing I can accept, as I blankly thank the boy and walk out of the hospital.

It's a wonderful weather. Bright sun shine, butterfrees, pidgey's singing, fresh air… I can see why Jessie wanted to get out from the hospital at a day like this. My steps take me towards our current hiding place. It's a small abounded cabin near the woods. Maybe slightly better than what we're used to. I wonder if Jessie went there? I walk carelessly in, not to find Jessie, but to find Meowth, sitting on the floor, a tissue tightly in his paw. His big eyes are reddish, I can see that as he turns to face me.

"Meowth, what's wrong?" I ask, very concerned. 

"Jimmy…" he sniffs, "The called from the hospital last night and…". The cat bursts out to load sobs.

I look at him confused, but put my arms around him. Maybe he's worried that we won't find Jessie. "Don't worry," I assure him, "We will find her."

"Who?" Meowth asks puzzled.

"Jessie. That's why you're upset right? 'Cause they told she had left and she didn't come here."

Meowth stares at me for a moment, in disbelieve. "James, Jessie is gone!" he states.

"But we'll find her. Don't worry," I say, patting his head before straightening up. "I think I should inform the Boss about everything." I start walking towards the living room, where we have the phone. Behind me, I hear Meowth muttering something that sounds like: "The poor boy is in denial…"

I dial the number to Boss and wait. Finally he picks up. I expected him to yell at me, but he doesn't. This gives me courage. "Boss, Jessie is not here right now. I don't know where she is, but I'll find her. Don't fire her yet. She's been through a lot lately and…"

"James. I've heard what happened. I'm not going to fire her." I'm stunned. I simply mutter some thanks.

"I think this isn't exactly easy for you either James. Why don't you take some time off? I give you a short vacation". If possible, I'm even more stunned. This is great! Now I can look for Jessie full time. Repeating "Thank you"'s to Boss, I hang up.

I've been looking for Jessie everywhere. Where can she be? And why are all people giving me funny looks, when I ask about her? Like Butch.

"Are you coming to the meeting?"

"Sure. Why?"

"Well, I've heard that the Boss gave you some time off, so I thought maybe you didn't need to come."

"I think we don't need to, but me and Jessie wouldn't miss this meeting."

Butch had given me a really strange look and asked if I was Ok. Couple of days later the Boss called and said we could skip the meeting. That suited me fine. Jessie never really liked those meetings anyway.

No luck with my search yet. I'm sitting on the sofa, as Meowth walks into the room. He comes to me and hops to sit next to me. His little cat face is very serious. I give him the wide eyed look, asking what's wrong.

"James, I think it's been long enough" he starts. I continue looking at him, now more like confused. "I know that what happened to Jessie is hard for you to handle…" What does he mean, what happened to Jessie? Yeah, I haven't found her yet, but I'll keep looking. "And I thought… we all thought, that it would be best that we would let you take your time to except this, but there doesn't seem to be any change in you." "I'm still looking for her, Meowth," I answer, trying to get the cat to realize it. 

"But she's gone!" he almost screams. 

"No, she's not. I just need to find her."

"You're never going to find her! No matter how long you look, 'cause she ain't anymore!" Meowth's eyes start watering up.

"She's just waiting for me to find her," I say, pretty harshly. Meowth places a hand on my shoulder and looks me straight to the face.

"Jimmy, the only place she is waiting for you anymore, is Heaven."

"No. That's not true!" I scream it, scream it out load.

"She's gone. She is death. You need to accept that." The words he spokes are hard, but the tone of his voice is gentle. It hits through my brains, into every cell of my body.

"NO… no… please no…" my voice trails into sobs, and I burry my head to my hands. It can't be. It's not true. They're lying. They're all lying. And… and I know it's true. I drop to my knees into the floor, the tears that have been inside me for so long, running wildly down my cheeks, burning my skin. My face pressed against my hands, I let out all the pain that I've been hiding and showing away for the past weeks."Jessie is gone. She's death. Oh, no… no… dear God, please, no… Not Jessie. Not her… Please, give her back… Jessie, come back, please come back! You… you promised me… you promised you wouldn't leave me… Please, I need you… I need you so badly, Jessica… I… I love you… Don't leave me… Come back, please, Jessie… " I'm basically begging, laying in a heap on the floor, tears of enormous pains rolling down my cheeks, only one thing in my mind. That I need her back, I need her so badly…

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I'm standing in a weird place, again. It's pretty dark. And cold. The trees are there, so is the house… and soon starts the laughter. I need to find Jessie. I wonder around. I don't go to the festival, I travel deeper into the woods. The laughter is haunting me. I start running away. I come to a frozen lake. Jessie! She's there, she's standing in the middle of the lake. I reach my hands out for her. She doesn't seem to notice me, so I go closer. Then the ice under me cracks. I drop into the cold water. Now Jessie seems to notice me. But she coldly turns away. "I'm leaving you, James," she says starting to walk away. I cry after her, begging her to come back to me. I wanna go with her, where ever she goes. She turns around and shakes her head. "No James. I wanna go, without you. You're on your own". And the horrible laughter starts again…

I bold up from my dream. I find a soft blanket covering me. Meowth must have put it on me, after I fell asleep. The pain, that didn't go away, not even in dream land, returns more powerful. I start crying again. Please Jessie…

Days go by. Weeks go by. I don't know, how long it has been. I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore. We've tried to capture that Pikachu couple of times, not succes. After last time, Meowth was really angry with me. He said that it looked like I was trying to get hurt. I just laughed at him. That seemed to scare him a little. But seriously, what does it matter if I get hurt. My life seems so empty. People keep telling it will get better with time. That I'm young. There'll be others. They know nothing about me and Jessie. She was my best friend. Only person who ever really cared for me. There's no way there's ever gonna be another. If she had just been my girlfriend, things could be different. But she wasn't. We never were an item. What we were was something beyond everyone else's understanding. And now she is no more. I'm currently sitting near a river. Sun is starting to set down. The last rays of it's light are so bright. Like fire. Like Jessie. They play at the surface of the river. I throw my rose to the water, watch as it flows for a little while. All this is so beautiful, yet so painful. A single tear rolls down my cheek. That's all that is left. I've cried so much, that I should have dried out. My eyes fix to the river again. The sun is almost down. I haven't had a peaceful night sleep ever since she died. I remember her face, when she lied down in the hospital bed. Unusual peace on her face. I remember the nurse saying that Jessie is now completely happy. I remember Meowth saying she's waiting for me in Heaven. And I remember Jessie, all the good times we had together. All the times I was happy.

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I close my eyes. It's time for some peaceful dreams for this guy. The red sunlight gives an unrealistic view of world. Somehow soft. I see bubbles all around me. The light makes them glitter in different colors. Blue, purple, pink, red… They seem to be dancing. I turn my face up, to see even more bubbles and the light that is clearer. My chest hurts. I feel my breath caught up in my throat. One of the bubbles, red one, breaks down and a familiar person forms in front of me, reaching her hands out for me, smiling softly. I take her hands and pull her close to me. I open my mount to tell her: "I love you, Jessie". Even more bubbles appear. She presses her lips on mine" I'm finally happy again. We're surrounded by the bubbles, together, in each others' arms…Just like a dream.

I really should not write more death fics, eh? Yeah, I know, I know… Anywayz, what did you think? I need to know! I personally have very mixed up feelings about this one.… If you loved it/hated it/didn't read it/couldn't care less about it/think I should rot in hell, let me know. Did it make you get misty eyed, laugh 'cause it was so pathetic or simply feel sorry that I ever wasted time writing it? I'm not picky when it comes to feedback! Pretty please, review?


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